...A bLessing...

I know someday that this thing happened to my life right now, even if I cried a bucket full of tears, will make me think and smile. Though it's not planned as it is supposed to be but then again, God gave this to me and I believe that it is still a blessing after all.

I haven't suspected that someday in my life I will be given a chance like this. That someday in my life, I will be thinking far and deep beyond as it goes. Though many people say, just go with the flow, for me, since this is it, and this is really is it, I will have to think of it as a part of growing up and becoming mature to face the world, the real world.

This is new, indeed. But sooner or later, it will be again part of a history wherein I have experienced some tragic and full of fun experience. Someday, when the day my future comes, I will say, I'm proud to be who Iam and not being who I'm not supposed to be.

Sorry if I have cried the day I knew it, but still, it will always be a part of me now. Nothing's gonna change. It's just, I will be more mature and be more responsible. Sorry if at first I dont want to hear the truth, but then again, this is the truth. So I must just face the fact about it. Accept it and be strong.

My First Job

I have this job for more than a month.. And I can say that being a teacher in elementary and High school courses is definitely not in my senses. I hate the feeling when everytime I looked at my students eyes, telling me that I'm not an effective teacher. Believe me, teaching grade school and high school is really tough. Especially in this school. I know that the priority of the teacher is to teach her students lessons they haven't learned and not by telling them only what to do. But I get used of my college life. Wherein the scenario is different. That was college, and this is elementary and high school. I really dont hate my students. Its just they make me feel stupid. When I'm talking in front of the class, they are pretending that they are listening, but when I turned my back at them, I can hear the gossips about me. I just dont like the feeling of being underestimated where in fact I'm trying my very best to give my knowledge to them. And not only to the students Im being down. I also feel the same way to my co-teachers here. Though not all, but most of them. They are not supportive and I can feel that they dont want me here. Ika nga sa Pinoy, crab mentality. They dont want someone to go up, instead they are pulling that someone to go down. I hate the feeling when I smile and greeted them in the morning without anything in response. As if they didn't see that I approached them. I hate the feeling when all the eyes are looking towards me. As if I have done something bad. I hate the feeling when they can't recognize my efforts. At the first place, this is effortful. Teaching students wherein fact I dont have any degree or experienced when it comes to classroom management. But I do love teaching, not with this manner. Buti pa sa public, you have your freedom. Pwede ka mangasaba, pwede ka mamundak, pwede ka mushagit. Diri, daghan bawal. Bawal ni, dapat ani. Bawal na, kini lang dapat nimong buhaton. Do they think that the students cant learn something from that. Salig man gud mga students diri. Anak sa datu! Mao na kailangan, sila permi ang i-pleased. Spoiled Brat. I hate them the way they answer back. Grade 1 pa gani kabalo na mutubag. How much more sa high school. I hate their actions. They pretend to know all wherein fact, layo pa na ilang kaagi sa among kaagi sa una. I hate them the way they treat teachers. Mura lang mig katabang diri sa school. Kumbaga ang muhatod sa ila, ilang nanny. Diri sa sulod sa classroom, nanny lang japon. Hungitan pa masking dako na.Here comes the dragon pa. Who tends to speak good words at your front but at the back of her mind, naa na tanan didto ang mga butang na dili maayo. Isn't it nice to hear that she will say, walang libakanay. Pero numero una diay manlibak. Treating her teachers like chimi-aa. That is the reason why, walay muduagay na teachers diri. Haizt. Just giving myself a break from bad aura. To end the story, Im happy with teaching, I love it, its just, I think I'm not appropriate here. I'm not HAPPY here!!