Monday, March 30, 2009

...nOthing hAs bROken....

I want to pretend that nothing has broken, though honestly, something has been broken. Char.. I don't really want to react whats inside me and I don't want to talk about it anymore. According to a text message, a psychologist added that the more you tried to forget someone, the more you remember that person unconsciously. Actually, I really feels that nothing has been broken since I was just crying because I wanted to cry. But the truth behind this is that, I cant feel the pain. I know there's still pain inside, but I guess that it was just what I think about. That there's still pain, and nothing but pain.

I've decided that I must move on. Forget everything that happened and let go of the past that almost destroyed me. Char. Honestly, I don't know where to start and how to start moving on. My friends keep telling me that I should and must divert my attention to another thing. But what could that be? And how could that help me? Well, moving on must be according to my will and guts. If i really want to let him go, and get away from the pain, I should do everything, my will and my motivation to forget him. Though, not really to forget him, but to let go of the feelings.

Last February, during the Valentine's event on or church, it is about Love, courtship, and marriage. The pastor said that it's God who will give the right person, at the right time, Before, I told myself that there is no one called to be deserving person for a certain person, but I knew that there is someone like that. I just told myself about that because I can't face the fact that the person I'm inlove with is not the right one for me. That even if I wanted him to be what others called deserving person in me, I know it wont happen because I know that he dont want it to be. Meaning, love has no reason, but if the feeling is gone, it will find thousands of excuses. I'm so stupid asking for signs on which if it is answered, I wont accept it, and asking for another signs. Or in other ways, im seeing it as the reverse of the real meaning.

I love him, I still do. That's why I'm doing this for me to become happy.

No comments: